haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
