Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
