OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
a search helicopter?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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