everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
