They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
