this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
