I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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