I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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