I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
