It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
