I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
