Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
