umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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