I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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