The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
