my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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