Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
