i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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