i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
