you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my shit smells like andre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
