Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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