theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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