no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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