don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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