I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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