People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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