Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
