u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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