So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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