morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
