apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
