soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
