I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
