to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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