im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
