New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
