I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize