I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
