It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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