The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
