You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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