Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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