i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
