Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
