I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
