There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize