I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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