I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
