I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
operation harelip BJ is a go
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
