I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
