I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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