if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
