At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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