Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
