Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize