I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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