someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize