I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
