it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
