TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
