so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
