She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
