So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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