Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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