FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
