How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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