Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
