For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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