Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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