you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize