THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
