I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
