I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
