I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
