the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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